His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
