There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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