i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
