its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
