This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
