I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just gift wrapped bread.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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