Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
