so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
