I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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