My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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