I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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