You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
