My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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