she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
everyone is single if you try hard enough
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
