I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
