A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
