and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
