go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
