I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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