i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I came so hard my ears popped.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
