you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
