I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
