Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
