Soap is not a condiment
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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