These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The air was thick with penises
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
