im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
