u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
