We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Randomize
