we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
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My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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