I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
