well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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