I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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