She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
