Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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