i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
