Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
