I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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