not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
