love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
