You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
