i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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