You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
