Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I touched a dick in church today
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
