Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
