We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
