Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
