I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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