I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
