I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
