i don't like sucking hair
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
