awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
