It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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