i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
