KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
