It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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