I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
