Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize