Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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