So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
