I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
