nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
