In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
