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The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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