I'm lost and stupid without you.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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