WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
