I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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